la hala traian

la hala traian timpul a stat in loc, parca doar cineva a plantat masini pe strada dupa ce a taiat in prealabil toti copacii. ma-ntreb daca au existat inainte, inainte sa fi cimentuit totul, apoi imi amintesc de stradutele reci din bruxelles, la fel de reci, poate nu la fel de triste, dar cu o cantitate semnificativa de praf.

ma indrept spre hala traian in plin soare, un soare de dimineata, racoros, ca de martie. parca ma intorc in timp, cand negustorii ieseau in fata caselor, cand poate la colt exista o brutarie buna, cand trotuarele erau mai curate, cand in locul vuietului care se aude dinspre un garaj de vulcanizare auzeai la rastimpuri cate-o trasura si copitele cailor pe caldaram.

straluceste soarele acesta si inunda strada intr-un galben-portocaliu, lucind in portiunile de trotuar proaspat spalate. degeaba, imi zic, si simt ca am praf in par, in nas si pe limba. miroase a motorina si miroase a orice mai putin a Bucuresti interbelic, in curti nu mai sunt nici flori si nici copaci si ma-ntreb daca locul asta a fost vreodata mai pitoresc.

e frumoasa hala, atat cat pot vedea, fiindca eu am treaba pe vasile lucaci, o strada mult mai inghesuita, mult mai la nelalocul ei. intru intr-o curte, in curtea unor depozite mici si aflu, dupa ce dau un telefon, unde se afla cladirea cu firma la care trebuie sa ajung. am de ridicat un colet si gasesc biroul in ceea ce pare sa fie un subsol. sunt sigura ca n-am nimerit bine si ciocan cu o usoara strangere de inima la usa din spatele careia ma astept sa iasa mai intai un burdihan zdravan ascuns sub un maiou soios si abia pe urma si omul. imi raspunde insa o voce de femeie care ma pofteste inauntru.

doua birouri curate si chiar frumoase, cand eu ma asteptam sa nimeresc o bucatarie insalubra sau vreun dormitor care adaposteste o familie cu zece copii.

ies, dar nu la aer curat, ci la acel miros greu de care abia astept sa scap. merg spre centru, urmarita de privirile unor oameni care parca stiu ca e prima oara cand treci pe-acolo. la numai zece minute de piata unirii, canta cocosii in curti si timpul pare ca a stat in loc.

heal

stay

Daca nici tu nu ramai tu, atunci nu-ti mai ramane nimic.

never forget

sunny

Largo do Carmo, Portugalia

Ar trebui sa fie suficient soarele in unele zile. Am obosit si-as vrea sa plec departe, dar ma surprind si eu, in aceasta dimineata, gata sa o iau de la capat, cu aceeasi hotarare: nu ai ce sa faci, trebuie sa gasesti solutii in contextul actual, trebuie sa cauti binele printre toate lucrurile care par sa nu functioneze, trebuie sa le faci sa mearga.

Daca as pleca totusi, daca as fugi, daca as lasa totul aici si-as indrazni sa o iau de la capat in alta parte, as merge probabil in Lisabona, oras in care inca n-am ajuns, dar care imi promite soare, mult soare.

what really kills us

Drumul pe care il alegem pentru noi o sa fie construit tot de noi insine. Sa asteptam de la alti oameni ceea ce putem face singuri inseamna sa ne incetinim singuri ritmul. Sa dam gres o data, de doua ori, de zece ori, e cat se poate de important pentru ca doar asa putem merge mai departe. Dar trebuie sa incercam, sa evoluam, sa avem incredere ca ceea ce simtim ne reprezinta cu adevarat si ca in armonie cu gandurile noastre ne sunt si deciziile.

O sa dam peste oameni care vor dori sa ne prescrie retete si, fara nicio urma de indoiala, iti vor arunca in fata convingerea lor ca stiu ce e mai bine pentru tine. Tine cu dintii de lucrurile in care crezi si fa cum stii mai bine. E mai important sa gresesti de unul singur decat sa ajungi pe un cu totul alt drum fiindca ai crezut ca alti oameni stiu mai bine fiindca au mai multa experienta sau fiindca se pricep la cuvinte.

Adevarul e ca tu stii ce mai bine. Crede in propriul tau adevar si invata sa-l vizualizezi cat mai bine. Intareste-ti convingerile, incapataneaza-te, daca vrei, supara-te. Nu risca sa ajungi o victima a unor opinii care incearca sa te convinga ca actionezi gresit.

Enerveaza-te, ia lucrurile personal, incapataneaza-te si mergi mai departe.

like never before

Imagine nothing makes sense these days, but somehow I think I'm getting some more sense of things which seemed puzzled in the past.

KOV Metal: diplomky 2013 - Katerina Vorlova

Macabre Gadgets Jewelry

fulltimeford.com

I feel... bullied. Like when people almost harrass you. Thinking they know better and ending up hurting your feelings.Vicious circle, I suppose.

daunator(i)

Groove On Specials [Nr.2] by Pseudub on Mixcloud

no words to be spoken because words hurt people because we don't understand that our ego can bring us down.

robot heart(s)

TCS - Robot Heart: Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana (covered by Kawehi) from Kawehi on Vimeo.


Ca sa poti face lucruri marete, trebuie sa crezi ca ele pot exista si, mai ales, trebuie sa crezi ca tu le poti face. De ce-as inceta sa merg pe drumul asta cand inca pot, cand inca n-am facut suficient? De ce m-as lasa prada unei convingeri ca nimic nu poate fi schimbat cand totul se schimba in jurul nostru?

Iar noi doi, asa cum nu suntem, suntem minunati.

The Blind Leading The Blind

wanted to put an end to this. go back, go home, go nowhere. wake up and think it's been a dream. all erased, all new, everything possible. but here they are, all of them.

anyway. I am falling in love with you over and over again. You can't quite understand that and neither should you. It's part of me and let me tell you, it's not the healthy side of things. I'm learning nothing and I'm walking zero miles.

It's funny I wish I could tell others how things work. I've got no clue, but here I am, falling in love with you over and over again.

How do you do that trick?

But I am doing it as well, for me. See me now, invisible. See how I disappeared and how I relearned everything. I am here, so far, brand new, half there, never there, as always.

Maybe we should stop thinking, wishing, imagining. But it's not working that way, does it? We're building amazing things. But we can't build something together. Not now and maybe never.

You're the night. So amazing. I love the nights, this night, perhaps every night. I'd never sleep. I'd never go to sleep. Time is never enough. But I'm pretty sure I'm not using it right.

Over and over again.

nothing is for real

I'm drunk with music but I wanna drink it with you.

use me

sursa

when you're done, I won't care. It's better to be used by you than not having you at all. There are no feelings left so it's okay. It's not like I could make room right now. It's not like I feel anything or actually care. I just wanna see how it feels to feel. Whatever I was supposed to feel and I didn't. So break me, use me. You left these traces, who would've guessed? I think I missed taking the wrong decisions. Because this is what I decided: make 100 more mistakes when it comes about you. It's still a way of controlling your own life, don't you think?

When you want someone and you don't care about the end result. I'll enjoy it, I promise. I just don't wanna refocus, I don't wanna make room. I'm stubborn, so stubborn, no suprise here. I still wonder what the hell happened.

It's either you and us sharing something undefined or nobody else. Not now. I don't wanna make room and nobody's willing to fight for it anyway. So let's just go ahead with this undefined whatever and enjoy it.

I wanna conquer that part from your heart