there's chinese food in the fridge for you

you think too much about it.


Of course I think too much about it. I wish I thought less about it. About everything. About so many things. But in order to do that, I'd have to rip half of the heart out of my chest. And who would I be then? Not quite me, that's for sure. I don't know how to be different. Different as in thinking less about it. Those things. Those people. Those to-do-lists. That everything. It would mean to care less. And do what? We're never protected. We're never safe. There is never an order, there is only chaos. To try and change who you are, who you truly are, just because this, you imagine, might make you feel better, is equal to taking pills just so that you forget a part of who you are.

But you are a whole, an entity. And yes, you think too much about it. And it's making you angry. Sometimes you feel you might explode. Might, as in a probability, you know. Perhaps, you will. However, it's not something you'd like to happen to you.

I put everything on a second place. The only thing important these days is that simple black coffee I drink every morning around 6.30 am. But that's it. There's nothing more about that. There is the morning light that goes with it, the filtered almost orange daylight. And there's nothing more about it. You leave everything behind these days. As if forgeting a part of what your life is. As if nothing is important. And nothing is important.

What can they do? What could they do about it? It's almost as if you are somewhere else while in front of these people who don't know anything about you. Talk about social alienation. You don't have to be in front of the computer in order to become this alienated. Sometimes all it takes are people who just are not willing to become more than what they have already become at some point in their lives.

Funny how nobody will understand this. Funny how I don't care. I guess there are things I don't care so much about.