wish I could sleep more at night. I don't experience insomnia, I just made an unhealthy habit of staying up late. I'm tired of people getting angry whenever I mention I don't want to eat. I know I obsess about food but it's something I cannot control anymore. Neither have any wish for making a change. The only change I tried to make was when people got really upset. I tried eating regularly again, but no luck there. It simply stands in my way. I can only enjoy breakfasts. Any other sorts of foods to my mind is now like a terrible enemy. People don't get it though. I got all sorts of reactions. So I stopped talking about it. You never get the help you'd wish.
But I wanted to write about it here. Just because this remains the only thing which helps. It's my precious to do list. I'm trying to embrace solitude now that it's here. However, I fear not becoming what I practice most. I already hear responses in my mind like 'told you so'. I needed them to understand and listen. But they didn't. And now it's too late.