you don't really know what traces other people leave on you until you try to gather your forces. you pick yourself up. but you find yourself drained. it feels as if your hands won't listen, your legs won't sustain you, your heart won't beat. you feel as if all you'd want to do is sleep. and maybe this is how it is. you walk through life half-asleep. unconsciously insomniac. I feel drained. my hands won't listen, my legs won't walk me further. but this is nothing new, this feeling of dormancy comes and goes. yet heart won't listen, heart is asleep, heart wants a break, heart won't think, heart is just so tired. gandhi said never fear loneliness when it comes to you because it is an opportunity to discover yourself more. I never fear loneliness, I embrace it. it's my rest, my safety net, the one certainty that lets you be you, no work being needed. I take a deep breath and plunge into it. and it feels so good, so relaxing.