21 December 2009

no Internet connection whatsoever

offtopic random nonsense:

"If we are not that satisfied with our present lives, what can that possibly mean? I could blame myself for not being ambitious enough or I can blame other people for not contributing to a perfect world. However, I cannot help but wonder: how would my life be if I were to live in a whole different country, in a whole different city? Let’s say Prague, let’s say Moscow, London, Paris or Vienna. Let’s say other people, other faces, other personalities, other thoughts, other feelings, other hard new feelings. Other streets, other loves, other places in which one would waste night after night. We all dream about this possible, but not that real life. Is it possible that we were born in the wrong place?
People around us begin fading away. Away from us because of us or because of their own faults, for having disappointed us in one way or another. And it is then, when we become tired of trying to forgive and forget, that we want new clothes and new lives. New clothes so that we would not recognize ourselves in the mirror nor be recognized by others. New lives so that we would wake up embracing new mornings with a brand new sunlight.

What I lost
I’m not sure I ever lost anyone. As someone once said, people are not ours so we can never actually lose them. But I might have lost you at some point, I am still not sure. And then, well, then I think I never knew how to fall in love again. No pain, no gain. So maybe you should make me cry a little, suffer a little, and maybe, but only maybe, I’ll learn how to love a man again. The weirdest part in all this messed-up story is that you didn’t hurt me, but I hurted you. So how come I am the one sitting on an edge asking myself what the hell happened with my ability to actually love or miss any sort of you. But this is yet another question I cannot answer. It even crossed my mind that I might be asking for too much, for the impossible. Yet again, there is no such thing as impossible. There is only human cowardness. And I have it when it comes about so many things (including bungee-jumping and unhealthy relationships). At least I know you can get hurt only one time while bungee-jumping. Can’t say the same thing about relationships and that is why I’ve been escaping rotten flings which were about to transform into something which you, my fellow readers, like to call a serious relationship just so you’d have the impression that something in this world is certain, that at least he or she is for sure. But then the break-up hurts like shit, isn’t it?
My advice: make sure the rope has no cut in it before you bungee-jump.

What’s yet to come

New Year’s resolutions and the bogus conviction that everything will change this year, that you are going to become a better person, that you will lose or gain weight, that you will get that job, that you will finally get the car you want, that you’ll fall in love, that you’ll be able to tell him or her that you’re heading towards opposite directions. No, it’s just another year in which nothing will change because we are just as lazy as we’ve been last year and the year before and..."

2 comments:

  1. I lived once in a different place and I hoped I would get rid of all (or most of) my flaws by simply running away from those who were encouraging them... but I didn't. I lived in my dream-town: in a forest by the ocean; no busses, no traffic, no stress. But I was still myself. So I guess they're right when they say the change should come from inside. At least the real changes are born there. Anyways, I still dream of a totally different life-style and I still believe it could bring out the best in me. :) (Even if the worst remains unchanged and unchained).

    You're 90% right about the fact that new years don't make us new. :) However, I love beginnings. It feels like I could actually change my life and I take every little oportunity to see a new begining everywhere. Mornings, Mondays, 1st day of the month or New Year's Eve...I'll take them. :) The desire to change is maybe more important than change itself. Or, how Chandler from Friends would say, could it BE any more important? :D

    Lung, dom'le, lung, comentariul asta. Dincolo era mai scurt. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Mornings, Mondays, 1st day of the month or New Year's Eve...I'll take them." I like this a lot. And also the Chandler thing. And also the long replies. True, change should come from the inside, but I guess a new place also contributes to that change because we also learn from what is around us.

    ReplyDelete

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.




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