19 February 2012

estamos cobardes

 Cada uno en su curva, todos los planetas adelantan con igual dignidad. Seduce al tiempo, obliga al tiempo. Otros pueden acabar antes — peor o mejor para ellos. Tú, a tu vasto viaje; tú, a tu arco grande y a tu declinación segura. Tú, a lo tuyo.

- Reyes A. (1981). Obras completas

it never crossed my mind, really, to leave for good. to just leave. I have rarely experienced the feeling that, in fact, we might not be free, not at all. at the same time, I know we are free. but I might not be strong enough to accept this responsibility.

there are times, many times, when habitual activities give me the feeling of incredible tiredness. even eating or cooking dinner, sometimes, leavesme with the impression of raw uselessness. as if futility becomes tangible.

I might disappear, in those moments, I tell myself. reaching for something bigger, inexplicable, yet there, this seems to be the only permanent feeling. yet I knew that actions won over words and thoughts, that little I knew. that whatever felt or was thought as being unbearable, could be surpassed by making a tea, wiping a window, reading a book, walking in the sun.

because for some, figuring out why we are here might lead to despair. and in those moments it's better to just wait for spring while making yet another tea, thinking about old acquaintances, long forgotten lovers, new ones who enter in our lives while we are actually busy preparing tea. in a nutshell, grasping and enjoying whatever sun ray we might receive.

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With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

îmi ţin fericirea în buzunare, în zeci de buzunare cusute pe dos.

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