08 February 2012

pe scurt

I remember our first nights together. I think I remember you being in love then. Or just looking like someone in love. Your songs. The way you could sing. That song I will listen again because it is a beautiful song. At some point, we stopped listening to that music. We stopped dancing. I remember me telling you how I cannot nor want to be with you all the time. You wanted this. Because you didn't have enough trust. I cannot trust for both. I cannot live for both. I cannot worry for both. Nor should I worry because of you.

This is how I've been educated. But it took me 24 years to understand it. And it was the man I love (not loved, but still loving) who offered me this gift of living present moment without even knowing it. Gradually, I learned how to never look back in anger. How to take all the beautiful parts. This is the only way one can move on.

That is why I never have hard feelings. There is no anger, sometimes just confusion. But I take some days to look at it, to analyze and finally, to draw conclusions. And that's it, I move on. I enjoy my own being, I enjoy my solitude, I focus on myself more than ever. I came a long way and this is a continuous trip. And every step just has to be amazing.

And there is music all the way. And there are no people who cannot keep up. Like I said, I cannot worry for both when the reasons are shallow and when people create dramas which should not be there. When people just wanna be unhappy and keep on feeding their own sadness. No one should try or think they can make others trust themselves. I am not Vincent de Paul and it's not up to me to forgive people. I just move on.

Closing dors, revolving doors. This music is pure pleasure. Wish all of you could feel it. I have become such a different person is just a few months. And it is just so great to have your friends confirming your change. You look happy. That's because I am.

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With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

îmi ţin fericirea în buzunare, în zeci de buzunare cusute pe dos.

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