what dreams

what dreams we allow inside our heads, what crazy dreams, not even knowing whether they are ours, whether they have ever been ours. and all these dreams, while you're fighting for them, makes you tired. sometimes it feels like a boxing game. or maybe it is like that all the time. you win a set, you lose some. and you are constantly tired but you don't know or it never crosses your mind that you could do something else in all this time. or you can't imagine doing other things. but this dream, this big dream, this self-imposed must-accomplish-objective, this has become the most tiring of them all. because when one's not working enough, when one's lingering, that's what happens. you get exhausted with everyone and with everything. of course it's just a phase, of course everything else's going well, of course most of us are sharing the same fears. I just realized I didn't allow myself enough time to think about recent events. but one should keep moving, one should cry while walking, one should never look back and never look back in anger. I know I'll get there. I mean I got here. but the trick is, when you know you can do it, you sorta make it harder for yourself. you get scared or something. or more like lazy. lazy scared. yet the most important lesson is that you don't end up scarred. and all my wounds have been healing pretty nice so far. we'll make it to that great shore. on our own efforts. because most of the times, we walk alone. and that's perfectly fine. there's no room for complaining. never ever complain about something if it really up to you to fix that problem. just fix it and move on. and yes, sometimes it might take years. but never give up. I could, of course, be terribly wrong right now and make mistakes. but one has to make mistakes as well. but I know I'm on the right path. I never saw things as clear as I see them now. and it's a one person invitation.